DO YOU think I make my living from free dinners and the occasional column in this paper? If only.

No, to pay my way I have spent 20 years working at the coalface in County Hall. But as of last week no longer. So that means — at last — the mysteries of the Isle of Wight Council can be disclosed.

Because if there’s one thing I learnt, it is that people think very strange things about ‘The Council’.

They manage to simultaneously hold in their minds the ideas that council staff are so incompetent that they couldn’t be trusted to open an umbrella; and also that they can organise the most elaborate and cruel conspiracies to punish the people of the Isle of Wight.

Neither are true, of course. But these days that counts for little.

There was the guy who was convinced I had kidnapped one of my own staff to make sure she couldn’t help him with the matter he wanted resolving.

He actually put in writing that she was being kept prisoner in County Hall, and he was concerned for her welfare.

The truth was, she was fed up with his nonsense and had asked not to have to speak with him any more. Which was fine with me.

Mind you, if I really had abducted a council officer I would say that, wouldn’t I?

Then there are the people who say: “I pay your wages.”

Have you ever said that, and meant it? Then you are a dolt. It is a poorly-disguised code for the attitude all retail workers know and dread: ‘You must do as I say because I am the customer and you are not allowed to answer back’.

Well, the truth is that on the Isle of Wight, there’s only one top-tier council.

And so if you need something from that council, and you really annoy the only person who does that thing, that’s not a very clever thing to do.

Do you think that you’ll get quick, top quality service from the council if you’re a whining, entitled moaner with anger management issues?

Well, actually you probably will, knowing some of the saints that are my former colleagues. But you didn’t always from me.

No, the truth about the Isle of Wight Council is going to surprise you. In fact, you’re probably not going to believe me, it’s so remarkable.

And you’ll queue up in the anonymous comments section to tell me so — but not on Facebook where you have to give your name, you cowards.

The fact is, our council is just a team of people just like you and me, doing their very best to help.

Every election there is less money, and more work to do.

Nobody works at the council for the pay, the glory or the perks. They do it because they want to help others, help the Isle of Wight, and help you. I was hugely proud to be a part of it.