With the news that the UK will host the Eurovision Song Contest after all next year, I feel that we have a huge opportunity for the Isle of Wight.

I long believed that, when the United Kingdom held the event in 1982, we made a mistake in choosing Harrogate as the host location. 

The most appropriate location would have instead been the Falkland Islands given our timely wartime victory, and hosting Eurovision on the Falklands would have been a real show of strength towards the Argentine nemesis.

This time around the obvious enemy is Russia, and therefore a gesture on a similar level would be most needed. 

Therefore, I put it to the host city committee that we should host the Eurovision Song Contest on the Isle of Wight.

Firstly, we are geographically one of the closest locations to Ukraine itself. 

I understand that Dover is closer; however, given how the French — still blaming their own incompetence on Brexit — are messing us about in terms of our goods and travel, it would make no sense to hold Eurovision in Kent, for fear of Francophile sabotage.

Secondly, the Isle of Wight is a real hub of culture but I, like many, am sad to see our greatest institutions withering before our eyes. 

We could turn this opportunity into an Island-themed festival, the kind never seen on our shores before, and use it to regenerate our Island to its former glory. 

It would also give us a great reason to restore the former Planet Ice Arena in Ryde.

I have not cared for Eurovision for a very long time. 

And while I did not enjoy our song this year, nor the long-haired hippy who performed it, I do very much support boosting both our economy on the Isle of Wight and sticking two fingers up at our European neighbours, who have not done a tenth for Ukraine that our recently betrayed Prime Minister, alongside his loyal ministerial companions, Liz Truss and Ben Wallace, have achieved just by themselves.

With this in mind: long live Eurovision, and I hope the committee look to us to save their European blushes.

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