WHAT a delight it is to have our streets, shops and beaches packed with tourists.

After the strange Covid tourist season of 2020, when nobody came, the holidaymakers are back for 2021.

As they’re not able to travel abroad, the Isle of Wight is where the sun is at; so we are having a bumper summer for visitors.

This leads to the inevitable challenges. How can the right-thinking Islander, on meeting a new acquaintance, decide how to treat them?

Isle of Wight County Press:

People are flocking to our beaches this summer.

As it turns out, it’s quite easy to determine which social class your new friends and acquaintances are in.

Check out my handy guide here, which starts with the greenest of tourists and finishes up with the most unimpeachable Isle of Wight stalwarts.

Fresh off the boat: still got that curious hanging ticket on their rear-view mirror. Is desperate to see the Needles. Tries to ring an Uber only to find their phone is on the wrong network anyway.

Coconut ice: manages to get instant sunburn on their first day on Sandown beach, which contrasts alarmingly with their pallid overners skin and peels impressively by the end of the week.

Wanted to go to Portugal really: insufferable moaners who can’t understand that Adgestone Vineyard isn’t going to have cellars full of sherry to look at.

Estate agent botherers: heaps of money, wants a place in the country, but has never lived outside the M25 before. Can be persuaded that Bowcombe is by the sea, never having seen much of either before.

Read about it in the Telegraph: way too stylishly dressed. A roof-rack covered in the latest beach gear, including that all-important stand-up paddleboard. Takes the children to The Hut after doing some rock-pooling with their metal buckets and wooden spades.

The remote worker: some kind of tech worker who came to the Isle of Wight to enjoy the slower pace of life. Discovered they can get by on a few hours of work a day on a laptop in Freshwater Coffee House and spend the rest of the time surfing.

Down from London and stayed: had a holiday home and ended up living in it. Opened a bijou artisan business which is doing surprisingly well. Toddlers, dog, vague background in marketing.

Sitting on the kids’ inheritance: retired to a double-garage bungalow with artificial plastic lawn and purple slate chippings. Motorhome in the front garden. Angry about something and plucking up the courage to go to a parish council meeting.

Classic old crusty: came to see Jimi Hendrix in 1970 and never went home. Knows far more about hydroponics than you’d think. Can tie-dye anything.

Landed gentry: rich enough to look scruffy if they want to. Indifferent to the travails of those who live beyond their gates.

Derek Sandy: The Isle of Wight's national treasure gets a category all of his own.