From Lyn Murdoch, Chillerton (who still plans to invade M&S):

A few years ago when M&S installed its new cash machine at the store entrance some staff may recall an elderly customer who arrived to pay her account and found herself facing this new machine instead of her accustomed letter box inside the store. She selected the only slot available and proceeded to force her envelope through. It wouldn’t go and meanwhile customers were arriving unable to use the now-occupied machine. One helpful gentleman joined the challenge using a nail file as a tool.

The lady in question sought help from a member of staff who fetched the manageress. Horrified, she explained the slot was simply for producing money requested to be delivered. The next step was to inform headquarters who arranged for engineers to fix the problem. An out of order notice was put up, at which point the irascible lady offered to go home.

Last week, this same lady took a pound coin out of her pocket and tried, without success, to get a parking ticket. Again at M&S. Not to be beaten she tried a different machine. Still no luck. Again, another gentleman offered to try. No luck. Puzzled, he looked closely. It was a chocolate coin. A prize at bingo earlier in the week. Sorry!