Call me boring, but I’m staying in: New Year’s Eve is overrated!

My Christmas work schedule has been very kind to me (for once) this year: I have been given both New Year’s Eve and day off.

Now, while I probably should be leaping, shrieking and saying “why not”? I won’t be.

Nope, I’m going to spare myself, my wallet and my liver and stay at home.

Yes, I am beyond boring; I have a few grey hairs to prove it.

Do I miss the days of pre-drinking and hoping to ‘pull’, hoping to wake up in a strange woman’s bedroom, having just said goodbye to the year? No.

Not that I ever did that anyway, I was always the awkward, spotty kid in skinny jeans who got off hopelessly with a random girl behind the fish and chip shop just in time to catch the bus back to Newport.

To be perfectly honest I think she just wanted me to buy her a battered sausage and a portion of cheesy chips.

And let’s be honest, New Year’s Eve is overrated anyway, and I’ll explain why.

In just only a few hours into night, you’ll text your ex hateful abuse, order a disgusting back-alley kebab and lose the new iPhone THAT you got for Christmas, plus one of your more emotional friends will cry at you for some reason.

You’re more likely to get punched by a random drunk then steal a kiss at midnight anyway.

It will also be freezing cold and will rain, so you’ll probably begin 2019 with pneumonia.

Sadly, it’s a well-known fact that you’ll lose something, and not just your dignity.

Bars and clubs drive the prices up on food and drink so high that you will simply be drinking to disguise the agony. I guarantee you will start the New Year off absolutely skint and tired.

FACT.

Right, so where is best to go?

Cue awkward silence.

There are basically two (maybe three) places where literally everybody goes on New Year’s Eve: Cowes, Newport, and Ryde. I honestly can’t think of anywhere else, can you?

The bus journeys are epically bad, and usually full of spotty teenagers either in North Face jackets and Air Max trainers, or cheap high heels and layers of slushy foundation. Seriously, it’s like a torture trip to the depths of hell, and which means if you want to avoid the smell of lynx it’s probably best to empty your life savings into a taxi service, which won’t get there any quicker, it just means you can enjoy your journey to and from in peace.

Now, is there anywhere else to go?

If you’re looking for a really night out in the villages then don’t bother, why a nice country pub may seem a good choice for villagers, I wouldn’t recommend it to a younger person. Seriously, there is more action in a nun’s bedroom than there is in Brighstone.

So why is this?

Well the problem is many popular island pubs and bars have closed or will soon be closing, with many landlords and landladies even having to put their own money in to keep their popular establishments afloat. Overpriced pints of beer are keeping customers away and sinking more and more Island pubs. It’s a terrible shame.

So what should you all do?

Stay at home and cry into your bottle of beer like me. Simple.

I suppose it could be worse; I could be spending my New Year’s Eve working for Southern Vectis.

Jake Harrison